The Magician

Finally. It makes so much sense. I realized how to explain something so important about me that I've always found difficult to put simply into words...

I was watching a beautiful surf movie last night... Everything about it was perfect, so perfect that it made me understand how my divided passion between the surfer girl and city girl in me are bonded and make perfect sense...

When I paddle out into the ocean and take that first duck dive under a wave, wiping away all that sat in my mind before it, I am so connected... Connected to myself, connected to the earth, connected to simply being alive... NATURE is how I stay grounded to TRUTH. Truth is Pure and I find sacredness with in it that I am completely devoted to….

When I’m taking the train in New York and walking through the streets of city with my music playing in my ears, looking at the art and style of so many different people around me, I am so connected. Connected to my dreams, connected to my fascination for imagination, connected to the creative girl in me who grew up KNOWING that the sky is NEVER the limit... there are none when it comes to how high I want to aim my desires... The CULTURE of City, Fashion & Art is how I stay connected to the DREAMER in me and I am able to communicate my inner VISIONS to the WORLD...

So there you have it. The Gemini twins in me explained. I could never lean too far over to one side with out feeling the other side tug at me for attention. I use to feel like I was always being pulled in 2 different directions and struggled with trying to fulfill both sides of me. These days I understand how there is no competition between my twins, they thrive off each other and have given me focused goals in my life to look forward to and achieve...

The autumn leaves are falling all around me and the air is turning crisp. It’s a cleansing period with nature. Time to slow things down a bit for reflection. Reflecting is one of my favorite places to send my mind…

I took a chance. A big chance. The Magician told me to... I already knew I was supposed to so I did. That chance gave me more than I even imagined I would have received by taking it. It was as if I was walking blindfolded and naked into a dark forest... Not seeing but FEELing my way through it. Trusting that I was protected by my instincts and by my KARMA... Once I got through the forest I took the blindfold off to discover that I was at the TOP of the world, starring at my dreams below... everything within my reach... I took a chance and proved to myself once more that TRUSTING in my choices will lead me to the many places I want to go in this life of mine...

Uncharted territory excites me… The mystery of the unknown... The questions JUST as much as the answers, my calling for constant discovery… I have a lustful relationship with expeditions … where will this take me? Somewhere that will be different from here. Change and its infinite beauty… I’m in love with her…

I know that I belong in the sky free to roam and explore… Passion is such an incredible gift, to feel… to crave… to desire… it burns inside of me and I know that my life’s purpose is to act on it and never, ever stray from it.

I don’t belong here. I don’t belong to ANYWHERE and THIS is my passport to the UNIVERSE… Freedom first comes in the heart and the soul... ALWAYS x

xxRxx

WHISPERS OF A SUNDAY TO MY HEART...

The earth offers so much to us and yet most can barely see past the end of the street they live on... I am in love. With the possibilities this world will offer to me. So many places to discover, so many people to connect with... I think that in a past life I was a bird... I can feel my wings that I carried over into this world... A Pegasus. That's the inner animal i feel in my soul. All I want to do is fly... Fly into experience, fly to the moon and back, fly until the wind beneath my wings lay me down to rest in this life... And then on to the next I go...

This is the longest I've been away from my cherished room here. So many beautiful moments in between. More questions, gratefully and more faith every day. Everything that is TRUE is bound to survive. Everyday my mind grows larger. My appetite for all the beauty that life has to offer increases while my appreciation for all that I have in the present keeps me so happy and satisfied...

Freedom has ALWAYS been so important to me (another sign of the bird in me) no cage, no rules, no barriers... Just free to roam, explore, learn, love, connect, disconnect, feel, and discover... This past month I have been connecting with my freedom on a new level. I'm loving it. I want to grow through it. I will be surfing this wave for a minute...

I'm a risk taker, spontaneous to the max. I love to challenge myself with adventure. Independence is vital in my life, that is what makes me feel the most alive... ALIVE. What an amazing sensation to feel. As long as im feeling that everyday, I know I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing in my life...

Many things stir in my heart at the moment. Memories are alive and kicking. You see I know how to put myself straight into a trance of emotions which rekindle moments in my life for me to relive them... Here I am. Re Living. Re Thinking. Re Learning. Re FEELING..

This year I have been witnessed my growth , witnesses my courage and witnessed my WILL step up to higher GROUND... Every day I am challenged. That is a blessing. I am forced to think. To stay creative. To keep my light shining bright. Everyday is a success...

I want to be on that train again, I want to be on the plane that takes me closer to the foreign mystery that feels like home.

LONGING.. what a feeling to experience... I long for some things... Oh do I long for some things... But. the thing is that I truly feel inside the depths of me that I will grasp hold of these things I long for...

Traveling to a city, starting all over. The excitement, the fear, the learning, the growth, the endless possibilities that the NEW can bring... It will be mine again... I was born to discover over and over again... well I suppose we all are but I am one who is truly AWARE of this and reach for it everyday...

...One of life's many gifts to cherish...

xxRxx

ONEonONE

Meet me in space... With it my heart on your sleeve, who could be so brave?

Its time to enter the room...

This sacred space that I don't try for but I yearn for...

With out my personal time and personal space I could never be complete.

I feel that it's an ABSOLUTE necessity to nurture yourself by going inside your mind to wander through your thoughts and ideas to think. plan. study. practice. and float in the clouds allowing them take you into a state of inspiration... It's a talent to be able to entertain yourself and its so wonderfully important to be able to enjoy your time alone in your own energy.

At this point in my life I could NEVER imagine not serving my mind, body and spirit the time and space they need to relax, explore and to grow...

Im really in an interesting place. A good place. Wandering through the hallways of my mind I FEEL. Yes I feel a lot actually... One of the very many wonderful things about being a Gemini (at least for me) is that I am able to have my Logic and my Emotions work together to do their best to live in harmony... Sometimes it can be really hard to make a decision but once I do, I never look back at the question, I proceed in the chosen direction with full intention. There is a buzz in the air and Im bouncing off of it. I am prepping myself for the end of summer and the action that will arrive with fall to knock at my door. I can also feel how much I am going to have to LOVE myself even more than I already do with a heavy state of busy on the horizon...

It's amazing really, it's almost as if this September is the start of the new year... well I suppose it is in the world I work in but I also feel this in my personal world.... and while I love the summer breeze that blows through my hair, it's time to walk the cement streets of metropolitan cities again while the leaves fall around me...

It's time for more acceleration. It's time for more progression. It's time for ELEVATION...

There is a sense of letting go in the air around me and because of it I can feel my power growing... self power and focus is an extremely effective way to climb the tower of life and gain the vision of success that you've painted in your ideas for yourself...

This is going to be a very energy demanding but strong personal growth period Im entering....

Within every new day I am grateful and feel like I am growing more and more of it as calender pages turn... I feel my awareness and I feel the warrior in me preparing for the trip in front of me, there is much coming my way before this year ends... I can FEEL it, I encourage it.

Im Ready.

xxxRx

CALLING THE SHOTS

I'm staying awake to listen to the dark... Its the ending of a chapter and I can feel the seasons changing. I don't know what day it is nor could I tell you the time... I'm spinning with my eyes wide open and there are colors all around me... One shade for every emotion that is swimming inside of my heart at the moment... She beats so fast, she is protecting me always... she whispers to my mind "do not worry, I am your soulmate and I will always be here for you"... I am blessed to have her, I could never want anything more than her loyalty and love.

Its so important to LOVE yourself. This is the ONLY way you can ever truly love anyone else. To love someone else is journey, a very important journey that at it's best will grow you and at it's worst it will attempt to destroy you... I absolutely believe that there is a sacred kind of love for everyone who doesn't stop believing that there is. I also believe that in this day and age its healthy to experience a variety of experiences loving and being loved by different people. How else can we really know what we want and what we don't want. It's so wonderful the feeling of LOVE when its mutual and elevating. Its horrible when that same love turns into a break up and all of what was before, that made you feel so good are the very things that hurts you he most when you have no choice but to remember all of it...

Break up's. Yuck. Never fun. For either the heart breaker or the heart broken... It's almost as if everyone has to experience it at some point to be human. Have you ever tried to embrace the pain that can step from love? To stop yourself in the very moment of a tortured heart and be still so you can absorb the beauty of FEELING? It is a gift to be able to have your heart broken because it means that you were able to open it to LOVE and to be able to LOVE is the ultimate gift in life. Its a complete turn around when you can embrace that pain and actually I think it displays a sense of control that you posses over the situation rather than it controlling you.

Work it with, go with it, spin with it. Don't let it take you from YOU, let it bring you closer to YOU... it can if you allow it too...

Its obvious through my writing that I believe that we posses the power to live the way we want to live, rise to and above the emotions that surface in us, manipulate our destines by the choices we make and the way we view life and ultimately own our life rather than having it own us...

I feel the leaves loosening up preparing to fall. Fall... reminds me of so many different and important times Ive experienced in my life... Some of which challenge my emotions at the moment but I'm not surrendering to the challenge... I am going to look deeper into it and send it away properly. Its official. It's time for certain things that I cherished to be repositioned and clear my path so I can make room for AMAZINGness to step in front of me... I deserve it and I have the POWER to make that happen.

My whole life I have been writing. There were times when I would be sitting somewhere waiting perhaps in a line, for a friend-whatever- but I remember in those moments I would search for a piece of paper and pen because I had things that I just had to get out and put in front of my eyes to see... Communication is my gift. Translating through my hands is my passion. When I write I am forcing (with pleasure) my eyes to be confronted with my thoughts, ideas, goals and emotions... The minute it leaves my mind through my hands and becomes visible for me to see it becomes a commitment. A commitment to myself to witness and grow from my entries from the feelings and determination in my words. The biggest let down I could ever feel is me letting myself down. That's why I work so hard to make sure that I never do...

I know that as long as I continue to keep unwrapping events in my life as GIFTS regardless if they make me feel happy or sad, regardless if i understand them or are questioned by them... I will be able to look back and smile at the RICH life I have been lucky to have lived...

"Its easier to die than to LOVE... that's why I go through the trouble of living my LOVE"

xCommitedx

xxxROXANNExxx

BIRDS OF PARADISE

What an amazingly wonderful place to be... A HIGHER state of consciousness...

A sensation that keeps all positive and uplifted, through trials and tribulations... the mind stays clear, focused and ready to make moves... The spirit is bright for all to see, the soul is alive and breathing the body through any areas of discomfort, pushing it carefully into a place of STRENGTH...

Love is all around me, I had the most wonderful weekend with some of the worlds most beautiful spirits that I am proud to call my friends and family... I danced my hips off of my body to incredible musik that I swear I could feel deep inside my inner existence...

Music... Wow. Music... Paves the road for me to dance through my life... Keeps the backdrop colorful and encouraging... Music has glued together so many pieces of my picture, gratefully no longer a puzzle but still so offering so much fantastic mystery... I love mystery, it allows for the mind to wander and to grow ideas, to push fourth direction and strive for something. HOPE.

New York. My heart. My home. Ive said it here before but I'm going to say it again. I was NOT born in New York BUT I WAS BORN TO LIVE IN NEW YORK and that is why I did for some very special years of my life. New York is the gateway to the world and I am so grateful for my connection to it and for it's connection to me... It has proved to me that when I FEEL I belong somewhere, I ABSOLUTELY DO. I know that I have more territory to cover when it comes to adopting different cities in the world to call home. To love where your at is so important. There is not one day I do not look outside my window to see the sun and ocean with thoughts of pure gratefulness. I LOVE my home. I'm not stopping here though. I have my heart set on bringing another beautiful city in particular into my home life and I will get what I want if it's meant for me to have. My adventure is clear. I'm on the move. The world offers up so many flavors and I have a HUGE appetite for it...

Culture is such a gorgeous thing and to BE cultured is a blessing... To be in touch with the world and to live with no judgement is one of the keys that will unlock the doors in life and allow for the most amazing experiences... Looking at life from Birds eye view allows me to see all that surrounds me, not just focusing on what is in front of me or what Ive left behind...It keeps me in harmony with what I cannot see or understand. This feeds my faith in my instincts and my instincts are my reliable wing men on this journey I'm on so without perfect LOVE and perfect TRUST in them I would be scattered...

I feel like I have grown a deeper fascination for life which allows me to look at things in a different shade of light than the "norm"... I can look at my challenges straight in the eyes and KNOW that I will not be defeated. I accept their battles for they offer me so much wisdom and strength and I gain more personal respect for myself when I conquer them... To have a deep personal respect and sincere LOVE for yourself is THE key to staying connected in MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT... once you gain that balance... well, then you can fly over rainbows if you want to... Clean out your closet, make room for change, keep your feet on the ground but your mind in the sky... Grow taller in your ideas and let your heart be as deep as the ocean...

Step up on YOUR stage and be your own audience, the show must GO on...

It's the simple things in life that offer the most beauty and substance... Somehow the simple things in life are the most complicated for most to grasp and understand... Crack that code and the party begins... I FEEL the wind turning in a direction that will let my wings glide through the sky and birds will applause my flight. This is all what YOU want it to be and that is the absolute TRUTH. I don't read "self help" books (nothing wrong with them just not my thing) instead I close my eyes, fall backwards into my dreams and allow them to push me forward...

They have never let me down, they have only taken me HIGHER and opened up so much room for life to offer me the secrets and treasures of how special it can be... Bring your treasures to YOU, they are waiting for you, perhaps OVER a RAINBOW... come and bring them to LIFE... .

I'm giggling at the thought of how much fun I'm having...

Xx ROXY xX

TOUR DE FORCE

Crawling...
Into my favorite space.
.HERE.
Time is such an amazing element in life
It fucks with us and we fuck with it right back don't we,,, in fact in all fairness i believe we take turns fucking each other...
sometimes its as if Time knows something that we don't and is stringing us along on the edge of our seats waiting to discover just what exactly it is...
what is that dangling carrot leading us to?
In someways it's what ever we want it to be isn't it? Ultimately I believe that we have the power to manipulate our destinies, to mold them into what we desire by the choices we make and the actions we pursue in our every day...

I have always followed my heart. When I feel an extreme passion for something I become a slave to pursuing it. From music, to surfing, to travel, to art... in some special cases even love...
With my bow and arrow I point and shoot at the target of passion that puts fireworks in my heart, then like a hunter, my pursuit starts...

I was taught something when I was a young competitive runner from my father. These 4 words and the philosophy behind it stuck with me all these years and has made sense towards every single thing that I have been on the pursuit to achieve.

D. D. S. S.

These 4 words prove to be a valuable recipe to achieve something that is not easy...

DESIRE- First and foremost one MUST have an extreme DESIRE to want to achieve the goal...

DISCIPLINE- There is NO way to accomplish without the discipline to do so, especially in today where there are so many tempting distractions to throw us off course. Maybe this is why I find DISCIPLINE so attractive... the challenge of keeping it alive is performance within itself...
SKILL- Skill, thinking outside the box, being creative and or having a natural flair for what ever it is that is being pursued can make the difference of gaining it or not...
STRENGTH- Yes, finally comes strength. I've always admired how strength came last because so many may think it would have to be first in the line but clearly after reading the last few sentences it's obvious why this important element towards success is not the first but the anchor in the race...

I can honestly say that out of all of the wants my heart has truly desired, the very most important and substantial wants I've successfully gained so far. It's an amazing feeling to be able to look back and know that I manipulated my journey while practicing that success recipe and captured the treasures I hunted.

Some say that I have done"so much" at such a "young age"... Well that is exactly how I did it. No fear, no question, simply just followed my heart and NEVER settled.
This is also why now I am truly able to believe that I will accomplish what sits in my heart at the moment. That said, I always leave room for things to shift at the will of the universe and I work with it because ultimately I know that what is healthy, pure and good for me is what will surface for me to celebrate.

And celebrate I shall... I love a good party...

Its amazing to acknowledge and practice the power to LIVE and ACHIEVE that I was born with. To surrender to NO ONE and NOTHING. To know that if I aim my bow just right, the energy of my passion in that pull will direct it in my favor... Targets are set and my aim is high...

Now I can go start my week...

XxRxxxx

TICK TOCK...

Chapitre 1

Sunday Stillness in the morning feels like a cat purring closely into my ears...
I LOVE the stillness and silence of a beautiful Sunday morning... Its so worth sleeping early for on Saturday night
At the moment I feel like a cocktail. Mixed.
So many things brewing around me, the clock ticks, my mind swirls to the sound of it...
Where to go from here?... Everywhere of course.
What an interesting place to be experiencing.
There is no way around this, I have to embrace it, flow with it, and rise above it.
I DO NOT play with defeat, I only laugh at it.
This is my place to roll over and breathe.
To look up at the skies in my mind and float on clouds.
To feel the breeze between my hair and flirt with the sun that shines for me.
Some might wonder, Some don't care. This room is here for me to breathe and to stare..
Off into the depths of my heart and search... Explore...Discover...and celebrate the treasures that exist with in it.
Everything is Right you see... Im EXACTLY where I am supposed to be...
The universe would have it NO other way and I always meet her halfway...
Being a SURFER teaches you how to work with what you got, to flow with it and to get ahead of the sections that pop up in front of you
Of course the better the surfer, the smarter choices you make which result in better experiences to work with and a successful run at the end of the wave
Its all part of the process and its extremely motivating...
Fire added to Air goes BOOM
Im riding that explosion to the top where I can touch the stars...

Chapitre 2

The day of the solar eclipse brought fourth so many emotions inside me me...
Sunday's mixed cocktail became a serious blend of potent ingredients...
Im happy to report that I channeled all of it in a creative direction
I wrote in my journal in front of the ocean with the sun out high and bright
I sketched in the sand while the breeze whispered in my ears
And I worked on my new painting, feeling really good about the direction it's moving in
I feel good about the direction Im moving in...

Challenges can be a gift
I wanted to erase that last line because there are many things to consider that make a difference in when exactly they are a gift and when they are unfortunate... but i don't have to explain it all, i suppose its all very individual so i will keep my sentence here because i truly believe in it.. after all who is really listening???
ME

xxRxx

DANCA THROUGH VERAO

"Were never going to survive unless we get a little crazy"... AWESOME words to live by and i DO (thank you SEAL)...

Oh yes you have heard me say it before, I love to scribble outside the lines, I mean who put them there anyways? I am grateful for them though. With out them how would one feel rebellious by stepping outside the box?

I love to JUMP outside the box, to breathe in the air of mystery and question, to not look back and wonder but to look forward and believe...

The sunshine that has been blanketing me these past few days has been incredible. I never stop being grateful for one second for all of the simple treasures that surround me. To be a woman is a gift. She most definitely offers up some insane challenges but when all is lined up inside and she is really connected to herself it can be the most incredible sensation. I love incredible sensations...

Tonight I'm in the mood to play. Luckily tonight I will have a playground to play on and some of my favorite musica to move to. NYC is coming to get DEEP :) My nails are painted and my heels are high. I am going to dance my way into the new week and carry the energy I get from it though out it. I sense it will be a very positive one because of it...

The energy I get from dancing is something that I plan on giving to myself until my hips officially give out. For now its on and I'm excited. Over the last 12 years of my life I have danced to so much amazing music, bonded with people who are now more like family than my best friends and most of all every single time I get a good night of music in (MY KIND OF MUSIC FAR FROM ANYTHING COMMERCIAL) I feel SO connected to myself and all the insane memories I have from all over the world in the last decade.... I swear I was Brasilian in a past life because I just keep dancing through this one just like they do regardless of status, money, rain or shine... they know how to keep it going... and I share the same passion.

SO that's me on Dancing and soon I will put on my red lips and go.

This weekend has been delicious and in some ways the start of some new adventures.

I love adventures...

xxRxxx